Adoption and Loss Part 2

"It became obvious to me that the common models of grief couselling would not work with mothers who had lost their children through adoption. I concluded that the grief resulting from the loss of a child through adoption was fundamentally different from other types of grief. I explored grief associated with aborion, with stillbirth and neo-natal death and with loss of custody. Although there were some similarities, it seemed that adoption grief was unique. I read a book called "Disenfranchised Grief" edited by Kenneth Doka. His description of disenfranchised grief was very interesting, but nowhere in his book is there any mention of the greif experienced by mothers who lost their children through adoption. I decided to apply Doka's definition of disenfranchised grief and see if it fitted with what I already knew about adoption grief. Doka says that grief is disenfranchised when the grief is connected with a loss which cannot be openly acknowledged , publicly mourned or socially supported. He also says that in many cases of disenfranchised grief, the relationship is not recognized, the loss is not recognized, or the griever is not recognized.

The loss of a child through adoption is usually a loss which cannot openly be acknowledged, which is why mothers suffer in silence. Losing a child through adoption is sledom publicly mourned because everyone is so busy pretending that it has not happened and it certainly is not socially supported. Traditionally, community support has been very much in favor of adoption.