Haven't Been Writing As Much...

I've realized that this is the first time in two months that I've even written anything. I don't know why I don't keep up, I guess I just forget.

Let's see, since November 5th, a few things have happened...

November 9th was my twenty-first birthday. Martin and I went out. That was interesting. Kinda boring.

Martin and I didn't spend Thanksgiving together. He got mad at me and walked out the door. Made me skip dinner with his parents, and then made me walk to Josh's house just to get the car so I could go to Steph's parents. And when everyone asked me where he was, I just said that I didn't know.

We saw Rory/Emma the day before my birthday. She got all dressed up in her Minnie Mouse costume for me and walked around. She wanted me to pick her up and hold her. And then she laid her head on my shoulders and I just about fell apart. They let me change her diaper and put her pajamas on. It was kind of strange.

On the 30th, someone threw a brick in our window. The brick came from Computer Smartz next door, but we know the neighbor didn't do it.

December 1st, Martin enlisted in the Air Force Reserves. He doesn't leave until the 13th or 20th of July, just after Dylan's first birthday. It was also Martin's birthday, but we didn't do anything. We went to the Mall of America and IKEA. That was about it.

I went to the Christmas Party on base by myself because Martin had to work. Then when Martin came up on Monday so we could get our identification cards, the chick said she needed everything from us again. And we're like, but we put that in the system already, and Sargeant Westfall tried chewing her out, but she didn't care. So we went up the next day with all of our documents again. She was so rude about everything too. Didn't care that we had to drive an hour and a half one way just to get there.

I auditioned for the Eagle's Cancer Telethon. Paulette was supposed to play the piano, but she fell ill the day of auditions, so I had to call Mr. Schwark at the last minute, and he agreed to play for me on the day of the show too! Tonight, we're going to practice because it's in less than two weeks! I'm singing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" from The Wizard of Oz, "Never Alone" by Barlow Girl, and "Anyway" by Martin McBride.

Christmas was spent with Martin's family and the Graybill's. Nothing too eventful. Missionaries came over, as usual, and Mike's girlfriend, Nikki, was like, "The devils are here". She can be so ride sometimes. She yells at her kids in front of everyone. She doesn't even care. Mark and Tammy bought their kids coats last year, and they returned them to get money instead. I can understand if you're poor, but jeepers, ask someone for money or something. Your kids need coats. There's no reason why they should freeze.

Mike (my dad) met Dylan and Martin for the first time on the 19th. After a year and a half of no communication and wanting to make sure it was going to "work out", he randomly calls me and asks if we want to come over for dinner. Dinner went okay, and Martin thought he was nice, but that's wht he does the first couple of times you meet him. One time, he bad-mouthed me to a boyfriend, and like two days later, my boyfriend broke-up with me because he didn't think he could handle being with me and all the drama. I wonder if Mike has really changed this time. I was always angry that Emma started calling Dawn "mom", but then it made me a hypocrite because I call Paulette "mom" and Mark "dad". And I could see how Mike could be hurt by it. But he's been so in-and-out of my life for the last fifteen years, I needed some stability. Mike should have realized that it's going to take his whole damn life to make this right. I can let go and move on, but I don't know that I can forgive that easy. I'm taking everything he says with a grain of salt. I don't what to believe, and what to trust. The last time he said he was going to help me with Rory turned out to be a sham. I don't want my heart to get broken again. I feel like he's a bad boyfriend I can't get rid of. I go back, get hurt, leave, and start the whole thing over again. How many times is too many when it comes to forgivness?

Mike asks me about Rory. He doesn't know her adoptive name, or her adoptive parents names. He only knows that she's in Winona. And I think that's all I want him to know. He's asked if he can see her, but that's not up to me. And I think it'd be a little strange anyway. I mean, he's not her father, and I think if he were, it'd be a little different. But even still, I don't know that I'd want him to see her if he WERE her father. I don't want Tyler to see her.

Speaking of Tyler, his new girlfriend, Danilelle, is pregnant. She's due in March. I hope that if he stays with her that long, that he sees what he missed out on. I hope he regrets it. I'm glad his name isn't on the birth certificate. I don't want her to know who he is. He doesn't deserve it.

Oy. I think that's enough for this one. Not much else has happened. I'll try to keep you guys updated though. I'll try and do a better job.

~Maggie