Sometimes, To Keep It Together, You've Got To Leave It Alone

I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions.

This is what living like this does.

Best friends means I pull the trigger. Best friends means you get what you deserve.

Hold your breath cause you only make things worse.

The truth is: you could slit my throat. And with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.

It took a little while to understand the beauty of letting go.

That's possibly very sweet of you.

I believe I'll move more easily through our schools fierce halls if there is less of me here.

I'm fifteen and tired of tripping over myself, all the papers spilling out of my bookbag.

You have to see her lessened before you love her.


When did you begin to experience dramtic weight loss?
The spring I turned sixteen, after experiencing a dramtic desire to lose weight.

How did you hope you'd be helped?
Someone would take my shoulders in their hands and shake me. They'd say, "Look at what you're doing to yourself-you have so much to live for". Or they'd promise, "You're safe now. No one will ever hurt you again".

You desired attention?
Rescue. Attention didn't always get things done.

Scared meant he had something to lose.

Everything in my world is relentless. Except you.

By the time I believed you love me, you no longer loved me.

Know that when I lose you, I will lose my every gratitude.

For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.

*I sat in my depressed little kitchen eating my happy little sandwich. I was supposedly dating this one guy, and defintely dating this other guy, and I really like another guy. I sipped my cherry kool-aid from my coffee cup after smelling my hand for the hundreth time. We had so much in common: same music, same fashion sense, same bargain stores. But this other guy....well, I've loved him for three years....but he doesn't really give a fuck about anything. And this one guy would get hit by a train for me and he doesn't even know me. I've never met him. How insane am I? My hand starts to shake. But another guy...he's amazing. Gave me his sweater cause I was cold. I really wanted to keep it so I could think of only him. I have a decision to make and I think it's another guy.*